I've been managing very well lately, yet despite this there are times where I'm just not able to be my bright sunshiney self. This morning was one of those times - sure I managed my diabetes fine, but for reasons I don't care to go into here - I still managed to ruin my morning. Totally my fault. Totally mental.
I know that my attitude is totally under my own control - I do choose to be happy. I choose to be positive - but I'm not perfect. I fail. I probably fail as much if not more than anyone else. This morning was one of those failures - I can be such an idiot. Sometime in the moment my mouth runs faster than my heart.
It's easy to lose perspective, it's easy to be angry. It's easy to be stupid. Hopefully no permanent harm was done. I can only hope.
That was the morning. I was still able to buckle down and finish what needed to be done. Even when I misread the pool calendar and showed up to swim (having turned off my pump 2 hrs ahead as usual) to prepare for a swim where I planned to expel all of my rage. I looked at the wrong day on the schedule and the pool wouldn't be open for another 3 hours. Simple enough mistake if I didn't live a life where scheduling is everything.
I figured it out. I found an outlet for my feelings - managing to workout in another means, despite tired legs. Had the chance to come home in the early afternoon and reassess.
It's become harder and harder not to believe in karma, or fate or who knows what you call it. There are a couple of people, who know who they are, that were able to say some very kind things to me at a point when I needed to hear them the most. I have great expectations - that's who I am. I won't settle, even less so now than ever before. But I can also be very hard on myself when I feel like I'm not making progress. As a coach I know the importance of an objective outside view - as good as I think I know myself there are people out there that know me better.